[ One was killed by a bear bomb and another was... murdered.
...
Daisuke takes a moment to think about this, his eyes looking away for the time being. When he finally thinks of something to say, he looks back at Naegi. ]
I'm sorry you had to remember something like that...
[ That sounds so hollow and automatic, which isn't something Daisuke wants. He berates himself in his own mind and tries to think of something better to say. But he remembers that Elizabeth told him that the best thing he can do is to be there for him, even if he feels helpless about the whole thing and wants to help more. ]
... Hey, if you ever want to take your mind off things, you can always ask me to do things with you.... It's the least I can do if you feel like it's unbearable sometimes.
[ the silence gives naegi time to gather his thoughts, trying to put everything into words. he knows daisuke well enough that he wouldn't be getting empty words or fake condolences so he appreciates whatever daisuke is saying, so he lifts up his head and nods, though he can't bring himself to smile ]
... thanks, Daisuke. I might take you up on your offer later.
[ since he's clearly not getting very far with trying to distract himself. there's a small bit of silence again as naegi tries to decide if he should say what else he has on his mind but eventually, he gives and says it ]
You know, Kaguya said it was easier to pretend that those memories were fake, that no one would blame me if I did that, but that feels... like it's betraying them. Betraying the two in my memories, Maizono-san and Enoshima-san. It's like saying that they're fake and to ignore that they ever existed. It's harder to keep on going with these memories but I can't bring myself to forget about them.
[ Pretending that the memories aren't real was something that Daisuke hadn't considered, but he did consider himself separating himself from them. His fingers fidget together and keep to themselves, but he reaches his hands out again to Naegi. ]
You're right,--it's going to be hard to forget about them. I don't think this kind of thing is just easily forgettable... [ not to mention traumatic. ] But you know what? That's fine.
... I usually deal with my more recent memories by thinking it's kinda like... watching a movie. Like how there's a healthy amount of immersion that happens when you watch it, but you have to remember that it's not the current you that's in there. But I know that you don't want to just dismiss them either... but it doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up over keeping them in your memories.
[ He smiles as if this is for both of them. The image of Satoshi holding a gun to his head flashes in his mind, and in response, he simply balls his hands to a fist, but releases them quickly while still holding them out to Naegi. ]
They existed.
[ He says, while acknowledging what may have happened in his memories--the faults of his other self. If the people from Naegi's memories exist, then his wrongdoings too, must exist. ]
... As long as we can cope healthily, it should be okay. [ BIGGEST IRONY CONSIDERING WHAT HE'S DOING TO HIMSELF RIGHT NOW ]
[ naegi looks up at daisuke as he speaks, staying silent and listening intently. what daisuke says, naegi knows these aren't empty words or anything like that so it's touching and it helps pulls naegi out of his funk pretty easily ]
... thanks, Daisuke. I appreciate it.
[ he finally gives a small smile, his own hands reaching out to meet with daisuke's, but then he looks serious afterwards ]
... is everything all right on your end? With your memories?
[ he remembers that daisuke had some concerns about them before and they haven't talked about them recently so... ]
[ They hold hands so much to the point that it might as well be a thing between them, tbh. It's their secret comfort handshake now. But at the mention of his own memories, Daisuke looks at Naegi and blinks. His smile disappears, but he doesn't frown. he wasn't expecting it to be turned around on him. ]
My... memories. [ He repeats quietly, trying to collect his thoughts and attempting to piece them together to form a coherent reply. ]
You remember what I said about being a thief and stealing stuff? [ Please don't let him say it again. ] There was a guy who was trying to catch me. From what I remember, he was also... my friend? Which is weird, because I thought friends don't usually arrest each other, but it might have been more about who I usually go as when I go do heists and stuff.
... I have a feeling that it's kind of complicated. I don't really understand all of it myself.
[ His hands with Naegi's tighten a little, but never enough to hurt. It's as if he's trying to ground himself to reality while peeking at his other memories. ]
It's like... he wanted to be my friend? But at the same time, he didn't want to have anyone close to him. Which I can understand, since you wouldn't really want to be friends with someone that you're trying to arrest, but, like...
[ Be calm. Deep breaths. ]
I felt that we're kinda similar, in a way. There's just a key difference: I had support from the people around me, but I think he didn't... so that's why he ended up being miserable about his situation.
[ . . . ]
So he. [ A pause. ] Had a gun in his hand... and... said that I couldn't understand him at all.
[ naegi's grip on daisuke's hands tighten as daisuke speaks about this mysterious person (this is really gay y'all like something straight out of dn angel). he can't help but get wrapped in daisuke's emotions, feeling sympathetic to how conflicting and complicated the relationship between daisuke and the other person must have been but then he gets caught off guard ]
He--
[ he chokes up ]
He put a-- [ he can't say the word ] --to his head?
The memory ended there. It didn't show anything more, so I don't know if he went through with it... I hope he didn't.
[ All he can do is look down. ]
Even if it had nothing to do with the me right here, it had everything to do with the me over there. And when I remember these things, I remember how the other me felt back there as the events in the memories happened. I feel it too, and it feels so... real. It doesn't feel like a movie anymore.
And I... the other me there, is what's making him miserable by merely existing.
It's not like I can apologize for existing, but I feel guilty about it anyway. How can I not...? It's enough for him to do that with a gun because of it. Being the reason for that for something I can't do anything about... It makes me feel...
... I think I can understand how you must have felt. To feel like you can't do anything.
[ he can't relate specifically to daisuke's problem but he thinks back to junko(?)'s death and how he and his classmates had to watch her die. they were all so close to her but they couldn't do anything. they weren't the reasons why she died but it was the same sense of helplessness that made naegi feel almost useless. and now that he can't do anything about it in another life ]
... but unless we knew how that memory ended, we can't assume that the worst happened, or that you and that person weren't able to make up. Maybe it's wishful thinking but there's the hope that things were able to work out, especially since I know how you are, Daisuke. If you felt that guilt in your other life, just as you feel the same here, then I know that you were the same or very similar back then. And I'd like to think that if this person, someone you cared about, was in trouble like, that you wouldn't stop until you were able to figure out a way you could help them.
[ Despite that, his expression doesn't really brighten up. ]
The me there would have tried all that he could, but there's not much you can do when he's trying his attempt and telling me that I never understood him in the first place. It feels like a hostage situation: taking himself hostage and me trying to free him. I would have dealt with it better if there was something I could do, but there's nothing I can do about me existing.
... I guess, I've never really been all that good with trying to diffuse high tension situations.
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no subject
... two people died. One was killed by Monokuma and I don't know about the other one but it was clearly murder.
no subject
...
Daisuke takes a moment to think about this, his eyes looking away for the time being. When he finally thinks of something to say, he looks back at Naegi. ]
I'm sorry you had to remember something like that...
[ That sounds so hollow and automatic, which isn't something Daisuke wants. He berates himself in his own mind and tries to think of something better to say. But he remembers that Elizabeth told him that the best thing he can do is to be there for him, even if he feels helpless about the whole thing and wants to help more. ]
... Hey, if you ever want to take your mind off things, you can always ask me to do things with you.... It's the least I can do if you feel like it's unbearable sometimes.
no subject
... thanks, Daisuke. I might take you up on your offer later.
[ since he's clearly not getting very far with trying to distract himself. there's a small bit of silence again as naegi tries to decide if he should say what else he has on his mind but eventually, he gives and says it ]
You know, Kaguya said it was easier to pretend that those memories were fake, that no one would blame me if I did that, but that feels... like it's betraying them. Betraying the two in my memories, Maizono-san and Enoshima-san. It's like saying that they're fake and to ignore that they ever existed. It's harder to keep on going with these memories but I can't bring myself to forget about them.
... I don't know. It's hard.
no subject
You're right,--it's going to be hard to forget about them. I don't think this kind of thing is just easily forgettable... [ not to mention traumatic. ] But you know what? That's fine.
... I usually deal with my more recent memories by thinking it's kinda like... watching a movie. Like how there's a healthy amount of immersion that happens when you watch it, but you have to remember that it's not the current you that's in there. But I know that you don't want to just dismiss them either... but it doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up over keeping them in your memories.
[ He smiles as if this is for both of them. The image of Satoshi holding a gun to his head flashes in his mind, and in response, he simply balls his hands to a fist, but releases them quickly while still holding them out to Naegi. ]
They existed.
[ He says, while acknowledging what may have happened in his memories--the faults of his other self. If the people from Naegi's memories exist, then his wrongdoings too, must exist. ]
... As long as we can cope healthily, it should be okay. [
BIGGEST IRONY CONSIDERING WHAT HE'S DOING TO HIMSELF RIGHT NOW]no subject
... thanks, Daisuke. I appreciate it.
[ he finally gives a small smile, his own hands reaching out to meet with daisuke's, but then he looks serious afterwards ]
... is everything all right on your end? With your memories?
[ he remembers that daisuke had some concerns about them before and they haven't talked about them recently so... ]
no subject
My... memories. [ He repeats quietly, trying to collect his thoughts and attempting to piece them together to form a coherent reply. ]
You remember what I said about being a thief and stealing stuff? [ Please don't let him say it again. ] There was a guy who was trying to catch me. From what I remember, he was also... my friend? Which is weird, because I thought friends don't usually arrest each other, but it might have been more about who I usually go as when I go do heists and stuff.
... I have a feeling that it's kind of complicated. I don't really understand all of it myself.
[ His hands with Naegi's tighten a little, but never enough to hurt. It's as if he's trying to ground himself to reality while peeking at his other memories. ]
It's like... he wanted to be my friend? But at the same time, he didn't want to have anyone close to him. Which I can understand, since you wouldn't really want to be friends with someone that you're trying to arrest, but, like...
[ Be calm. Deep breaths. ]
I felt that we're kinda similar, in a way. There's just a key difference: I had support from the people around me, but I think he didn't... so that's why he ended up being miserable about his situation.
[ . . . ]
So he. [ A pause. ] Had a gun in his hand... and... said that I couldn't understand him at all.
[ He swallows. ]
Then he... put it to his head.
no subject
He--
[ he chokes up ]
He put a-- [ he can't say the word ] --to his head?
no subject
[ Daisuke breathes out quietly. ]
The memory ended there. It didn't show anything more, so I don't know if he went through with it... I hope he didn't.
[ All he can do is look down. ]
Even if it had nothing to do with the me right here, it had everything to do with the me over there. And when I remember these things, I remember how the other me felt back there as the events in the memories happened. I feel it too, and it feels so... real. It doesn't feel like a movie anymore.
And I... the other me there, is what's making him miserable by merely existing.
It's not like I can apologize for existing, but I feel guilty about it anyway. How can I not...? It's enough for him to do that with a gun because of it. Being the reason for that for something I can't do anything about... It makes me feel...
[ . . . ]
... helpless.
no subject
[ he can't relate specifically to daisuke's problem but he thinks back to junko(?)'s death and how he and his classmates had to watch her die. they were all so close to her but they couldn't do anything. they weren't the reasons why she died but it was the same sense of helplessness that made naegi feel almost useless. and now that he can't do anything about it in another life ]
... but unless we knew how that memory ended, we can't assume that the worst happened, or that you and that person weren't able to make up. Maybe it's wishful thinking but there's the hope that things were able to work out, especially since I know how you are, Daisuke. If you felt that guilt in your other life, just as you feel the same here, then I know that you were the same or very similar back then. And I'd like to think that if this person, someone you cared about, was in trouble like, that you wouldn't stop until you were able to figure out a way you could help them.
no subject
[ Despite that, his expression doesn't really brighten up. ]
The me there would have tried all that he could, but there's not much you can do when he's trying his attempt and telling me that I never understood him in the first place. It feels like a hostage situation: taking himself hostage and me trying to free him. I would have dealt with it better if there was something I could do, but there's nothing I can do about me existing.
... I guess, I've never really been all that good with trying to diffuse high tension situations.